Bringing Someone With You, or Coming Back to Church After Years Away

There are two kinds of people who think about a church visit and then hesitate. One has been away for a long time and doesn't know how to walk back in. The other wants to bring a friend or family member and isn't sure how to ask without sounding pushy. If you're in Carbondale or anywhere in southern Illinois, you may be one of them, or both. Either way, the best advice is the same: take the pressure off.

If you've been away a long time

People stay away from church for plenty of reasons. Life got busy, a move happened, someone said something hurtful, or a loss made it hard to pray. Some people just drifted and then felt awkward about coming back. If that's you, you don't owe anyone an explanation at the door. In most churches, people are more interested in whether you're okay than in where you've been.

Jesus told a story about a son who left home and came back with nothing. 'But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him' (Luke 15:20, KJV). The heart of that story is the welcome. You don't have to arrive cleaned up or have your story straight.

Ways to make the return easier

• Call ahead and ask for the start time and where to park, so there are no surprises at the door.
• Plan to arrive a little early so you can find a seat without rushing.
• Sit near the back or by an aisle so you can step out for a breath if you need to.
• Bring a small notebook, which gives your hands something to do and your mind somewhere to land.
• Decide before you go that one visit is just one visit. You can think about the next one later.

If you're bringing someone

Inviting a friend or family member takes more care than most of us give it. A pushy invitation can end the conversation for good. A warm, low-pressure one usually works better.

Try inviting rather than convincing. You might say, 'I'm going to visit this church and I'd love some company. No pressure if it's not your thing.' Offer to drive, pick a time, and meet them there. Tell them honestly what to expect, including the parts that might feel unfamiliar, like people praying out loud. Surprises make people nervous, and a heads-up helps.

Then let it go. If they say no, ask again another time, and keep the friendship just the same either way. People tend to say yes eventually to someone who was kind about hearing no.

Don't let one rough experience decide it

Maybe the last church you went to felt cold, or judgmental, or confusing. That experience was real, and it isn't the whole story of church. Each congregation has its own character. Visiting a new one doesn't mean betraying your past. You're just giving yourself a fresh look. If something is weighing on you, you can tell a leader about it. A good one will listen.

Jesus said, 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest' (Matthew 11:28, KJV). A lot of people thinking about church are simply tired. At its best, a church is a place to set some of that weight down, not to pick up more.

Talk about it honestly

If you're nervous, tell somebody. Tell the friend you're bringing, or tell the person who greets you at the door. Saying 'It's been a long time for me' out loud takes much of the sting out of it, and most people respond with kindness. Honest words also give them a chance to help you in practical ways, like showing you where to sit or introducing you to someone friendly.

And if the first visit feels strange, give it a second try before you decide. First impressions of a new room are often about our nerves, not about the room.

A small first step

You don't have to commit to months of attendance. Start with one call or one visit. New Birth Kingdom Church International can be reached at (618) 549-7861 for this week's times, and you're welcome to come by the building at 302 N Robinson Circle. Bring a friend if you like, or come on your own. Either way, we'd be glad to see you.